'He was relentless': Kelly Hillard tells us about the cult of unhealthy thinness
Weight has always been an obsession for Kelly Hillard. Sports, drugs and surgery .. How do we get out of this spiral, which can have many consequences? The former reality TV nominee trusts the cult of unhealthy thinness.
"When you take care of your weight 24 hours a day, you don't live anymore," Kelly Hillard notes wistfully. If today she looks like she has a better relationship with her body, that wasn't always the case. Until coming of age, the former reality TV nominee didn't think about her weight: "For me, I was an ordinary girl." She says she may have had a slight knot around her chest. But everything changes when she participates in the show "Les Ch'tis": she was then 19 years old.
"When I look at my past photos, I feel good"
"You're fat and you're a dancer": that's what she hears from her fellow directors. On social networks, people don't "go too hard" either. "He was really relentless," swears Kelly Hillard. "When I look at my past photos, I feel good." After the show, the young woman decided to lose weight.
She says she took the easy way out. She does some elliptical exercises, but she mostly takes "stuff that's illegal in France," like clenbuterol. This active substance was originally used by veterinarians to treat bronchopulmonary diseases in some animals. For humans, the effect is completely different. Kelly Hillard's heart beats as if she spent her days running. "It kills everything, except that your heart can stop at any moment," she explains.
Weight loss drug or the vicious circle
However, Clenbuterol is not fast enough. So the author of All that for my weight (Talent Éditions) turns to strong drugs, like speed (or amphetamine sulfate, editor's note). Then she forgets about her problems, but not only. "Instead of having breakfast, I would go down this road," she admits. She is clearly losing weight. "We get addicted to all of these things because they're easy," says Kelly Hillard. In total, she took the drug for about three years.
“You should know that TV is bigger than that!” supports the young woman. Some complexes are born little by little. You eventually get to the point where you can't imagine losing weight anymore. Kelly Hillard notes: “There could have been some pretty dire consequences. It’s all for the weight!” Stopping drugs is a real rebirth for her: “I started living, breathing, and being happy. We traveled a lot with my husband.” But this freedom has a price. “Inevitably, when you stop all this nonsense, you gain weight.” Then Kelly Hillard regains ten kilos, then thirty during pregnancy.
"When I'm naked in front of my mirror, I have scars"
She is "so happy to be pregnant" that she no longer cares about her weight. I cried when I was born. The mother decides to focus on her son. She sets aside her husband as well as her femininity. "It's complicated," especially since she has a side job. Then the young woman falls into the maelstrom of plastic surgery. She begins with liposuction of the buttocks, hoping to restore her pre-pregnancy body.
"I had beautiful buttocks, but through my pants," she says. "Wasn't it better before?" she asks after that first intervention, but continues. Then Kelly proceeds to a breast lift. This process brings her back to life, however: "When I'm naked in front of my mirror, I have scars." "People don't see it, but I do," sadly the young mother. Then she started losing weight for the third time, naturally this time.
For Kelly Hillard, sometimes social networks send the wrong picture
She exercises, but does not see any results after eight months. Kelly Hillard, however, gives herself "totally". The root of this problem is much deeper than you think. “When it hinders on the mental level, it also hinders the physical level.” From there I decided to go to the gym. You meet people there and gradually manage to lose those pounds that you consider to be too much.
Today, Kelly Hillard says she feels good. “I bought a two-piece swimsuit!” In spite of everything, she laments a world where social networks do not always reflect reality: “There are so many filters, so many people retouching (their photos).” He still sometimes thinks about his weight, but he feels like he's a human after all.